Episode 267 - How to Be the Parent Your Child Needs During Divorce

In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder welcomes parenting expert, psychoanalyst, and author Erica Komisar to discuss how parents can minimize the emotional toll of divorce on their children. Drawing on more than three decades of clinical experience, Erica shares practical guidance for helping children feel secure, supported, and protected during one of the most significant transitions a family can face.

Together, Mardi and Erica explore the importance of emotional regulation, healthy co-parenting, grief, attachment, and why children should never become the messengers or emotional support system for their parents. They also discuss common mistakes parents make during divorce, how to navigate high-conflict situations, and why putting children's needs ahead of fairness can lead to better long-term outcomes.

Whether you are considering divorce, currently navigating it, or working to build a healthy co-parenting relationship, this conversation offers valuable insight into protecting your children while supporting your own healing.

Our talk focuses on:

• Why divorce is traumatic for children and how parents can reduce the impact

• The importance of emotional regulation during the divorce process

• How unresolved grief and anger can affect parenting decisions

• Why children should never be caught in the middle of parental conflict

• The dangers of oversharing adult problems with children

• How to support your child's grief without burdening them with your own

• Why consistency and stability matter during family transitions

• The challenges of high-conflict co-parenting situations

• What parents should consider before introducing a new romantic partner

• The realities of blended families and step-sibling relationships

• Why divorce should focus on children's needs rather than fairness between parents

About the Guest:

Erica Komisar, LCSW, is a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst, and parenting expert with over 30 years of experience in private practice. She is the author of Being There and Chicken Little: The Sky Isn’t Falling, and her third book on healthy divorce and parenting will be released in 2025.

Erica is a regular contributor to The Wall Street Journal, The Institute for Family Studies, and The Dispatch, and has appeared on CBS, Fox News, and The Diary of a CEO podcast. She is the founder of Attachment Circles, serves on the advisory board of ARC (Alliance for Responsible Citizenship), and has spoken at the United Nations on child development and emotional health. She lives in New York City with her husband and three young adult children.

To connect with Erica:

Website: ericakomisar.com